Where it all began…a baby girl is born
On a cool summer evening in 2003 in Vryheid, a modest city nestled in the heart of KwaZulu-Natal, Nomsa*, now a mother for the second time, cradled her newborn daughter close to her heart, the joy of witnessing new life bringing wonder to her tired body.
Named Nomonde, a Xhosa word for “patient,” the baby girl was a picture of perfection, her tiny fingers curled around Nomsa's own. In those precious moments, the world stood still, the worries of life fading into the background. But unbeknownst to Nomsa, a silent battle was already brewing within her daughter's fragile body. Nomonde, like an estimated 70,000 other babies born in South Africa that year, was HIV positive. Her growth was marked by an invisible yet potentially deadly foe. Her story is about grit, heartache, love, and persistence. Nomonde, like her name, defied the odds.
20 years later… Hi, I am Nomonde
As the only one of three siblings living with HIV, I struggled with the silence surrounding the virus at home. I was filled with resentment and failed to understand why my older sister and younger brother did not have it. This led to a strained relationship with my mom and forced me to navigate social situations and relations alone, which led me to prematurely disclosing my status to my primary school friends. I was only 7 when this happened. I just needed comfort. This was my first taste of stigma; my friends’ reaction was so devastating I had to tell them I was joking about it so I could remain their friend. This painful experience taught me to guard my status as a secret, believing that honesty would only lead to isolation. This led me to stigmatize myself, and for a long time, I internalized the whispers and judgments around HIV. It wasn’t until the Life Orientation (LO) curriculum covered HIV that I began to understand the roots of stigma - HIV was depicted as death, there were no pictures or words that spoke of striving, beauty or success. For a long time, I believed that a bleak future was my only reality, because that's all I saw, heard, and read. There was nothing to inspire hope or happiness.
High school arrived with its own adventures, including the world of dating. Unsure of how to navigate this space, I confided in a trusted teacher who helped me to understand that “my story is my power” and unlike previously, the teacher shared stories of public figures living with HIV, encouraging me to follow their journeys and envision a future where I could own my story and inspire others. When I decided to disclose to my friends, this time owning whatever may come with it, I was pleasantly surprised by their acceptance - a friend eating cereal, immediately shared a spoonful with me, then took a bite herself, then assured me that nothing was wrong with me. This moment rewrote my history - It reassured me that stigma can be defeated. It cannot live where there is truth and love.
My then boyfriend, however, did not take the news well, he reacted with disbelief, shock, and fear. This took me back to when I believed the negative things others said about me. Being in the LO class with him where sensitive topics, personal to me, were discussed, made the subsequent breakup even more challenging. To cope during the lessons, I adopted different "avatars," to deflect attention and maintain a sense of control. I had to put up a facade and be courageous - was I being the clown, the smart, sleeping or sassy girl? I just had to choose one.
This dating aspect of my life continues to be a journey, but I remain committed to living my truth. Now, any new relationship begins with honesty and self-acceptance.
The journey continues
Although treatment is freely available in South Africa, for many young people in relationships, stigma remains a barrier to accessing this life saving commodity. It is for this reason that Nomonde has taken to social media to teach about HIV and help others like herself to navigate the space so they too can overcome and realise their potential. While she is one of 5.1 million females living with HIV in South Africa, the epicenter of the HIV epidemic, Nomonde refuses to be defined by statistics and, with every action, is proud to be contributing towards an HIV-free future generation and hopes that one day, she will marvel as she holds her own baby, free of HIV.
UNFPA empowers young people like Nomonde by providing them with the tools and mechanisms to address sexual and reproductive health issues, enabling them to reach their full potential.
*Name changed to protect identity.
